But y'know what? I'm really fine with that. I'm fine with being a "no" and a "because I'm the parent" parent. And y'know what else? I think the world would be a better place if we had more. Did I have a really good reason to say no? Actually, I didn't. I had reasons, but none were show-stoppers. And I told my daughter that. When she began to verbalize that she felt my reasons were unsatisfactory, I stopped offering them, countering with the (can you hear it coming) "I don't answer to you; I don't owe you an explanation." And whether or not I had good reasons--or none at all--doesn't matter. I'm the parent, and I said no. Can I be talked out of it? Maybe. But if the "talking" is not respectful and reasonable, my resolve will solidify further. So that must make me a "when I say no, I mean no" kinda mom, too. Yeah. I like that one, too. :)
Before I go any further with this, though, it's important to realize that this "I'm the boss" attitude (if you want to call it that) does not come out of thin air. It's not about control, really, it's about roles and responsibility: God-given ones. And it's about Him and us wanting what is right for our children, even when it means forcing them to put away the cupcakes to eat spinach. This is not a new concept in our house. It's one that's been instilled since day 1. If it has not been, the pill is going to be a whole lot bigger the older they get. Think of a young horse learning its reins at a walk, as opposed to a wild stallion at a full gallop. Pulling the reins on the latter is not going to be nearly as effective--if at all. Now back to our story.
After the emotions settled down a bit, we had a great talk. We discussed anger and we discussed sinful anger. We discussed respect. We discussed love and how most decisions were hopefully made with that as the driving force. Good stuff. I must commend 'Ri for admitting and wanting to atone for her sinful words and anger at my decision, of her own initiative. How satisfying it is as a parent to see fruit such as this.
It is a tough world sometimes for a Christian tween with a "no" mom. Would you pray for her with me? Even though it's love that drives the "no," and reliance on both the truth of the Proverb that "the way of the transgressor is hard" and the commandment with a promise (Ex. 20:12). Hard for now, perhaps (for me, too--it's really easier sometimes to say "yes"), but the payoff is well worth it. And praise the Lord, sometimes we get a little payout early.
There may be an ironic parallel to this story. I found out just hours after this incident that a cousin, about 8 years older than me (that's 40's, people), had died. She'd had quite a rough life, sadly, due to some poor decisions made for her and by her when she was younger as I am to hear. Tragic, really. She was almost raised as my half-sister in a near-perfect, loving Christian family. How blessed I was. One can only wonder how much of a difference that would have made for her. What a precious responsibility we have as parents. Sobering, but wonderful.
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